I found this video around the time of my diagnosis that put a little understanding of some things that are going on with in my body.
I wrote these poems around this time as well.
My hands laid bare
Nothing left to offer
Nothing left to give
Slowly slipping
Slowly drifting
Slowly falling
My caged heart
Ripped and tattered
Forcing its way through
the darkness,
bruised, bloodied, and worn
Light leached
Gaping wounds
Crawling, gasping,
Screaming
Chaos that can’t be spoken
Can’t be known
Can’t be understood
If I could go back, I’d savor the moments more
I’d bend low and slowly smell the flowers
I’d run with abandon, spin, and leap into the air, dancing without thinking
If I would have known those were my last moments, letting the music pulse through me
I’d give myself the time, the space and grace to just be
If I would have known what I know now, I would have soaked up each moment and put away my worrisome thoughts and fear of others
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