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I found this video around the time of my diagnosis that put a little understanding of some things that are going on with in my body.

I wrote these poems around this time as well.

My hands laid bare

Nothing left to offer

Nothing left to give

Slowly slipping

Slowly drifting

Slowly falling

My caged heart

Ripped and tattered

Forcing its way through

the darkness,

bruised, bloodied, and worn

Light leached

Gaping wounds

Crawling, gasping,


Chaos that can’t be spoken

Can’t be known

Can’t be understood

If I could go back, I’d savor the moments more

I’d bend low and slowly smell the flowers

I’d run with abandon, spin, and leap into the air, dancing without thinking

If I would have known those were my last moments, letting the music pulse through me

I’d give myself the time, the space and grace to just be

If I would have known what I know now, I would have soaked up each moment and put away my worrisome thoughts and fear of others


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