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Revisit

As I was tirelessly working on my physiotherapy exercises and going to weekly appointments, it came to light that I needed to revisit pelvic floor physiotherapy. I honestly loathed the thought of adding in yet another person into my treatment plan, having to reexplain everything and then add more homework and appointments to my week. I had figured that since I had about three years of pelvic floor therapy under my belt, that I'd be told the exact same things and all would be clear. Wrong.


Of course I should know better, as I am a veteran in this chronic pain world, and yet here I was being told things had gotten missed, yet again. I spent some time with this pelvic floor physiotherapist while I was still working with my current physiotherapist. It was helpful that they knew each other and worked within the same company but a bit embarrassing knowing that my male physiotherapist would get an update on what was being worked on. I don't feel like pelvic floor physiotherapists get as much credit as they should. They do incredible work and are very valuable in what they can help you with, but it gets very real and up close and personal, if you know what I mean!


At one of my pelvic floor physio appointments, she had to internally manipulate my tailbone. Not the most chill appointments I've had, but it helped. Learning to relax certain muscles and having to get my breath to catch up to where it was supposed to be at, was a lot of the work that I had to put into this.



To explain how I got to the point of needing to go back to a pelvic floor physiotherapist, there was a certain situation that had happened that pointed me in this direction. I kind of have struggled with deciding if I would let you all in on this part or not. I think because it's not only embarrassing but it truly was one of my worries that got spoken out loud by a doctor. I'm just going to just start off by saying that we all have bodies.


I had to go to this hormone doctor to do a check up about my endometriosis medication switch ( she was the one that wasn't for it and asked other gynecologists opinions.https://www.petiteflower.net/post/taking-charge ) and while I was there, I had to have an internal examination. I was pre-warned already by my pharmacist that she was a very outspoken person. Being outspoken in these circumstances kind of makes me feel at ease because they just act super non chalant. But in this case as she was in the middle of the examination, she found that some of my internal muscles were so tight, that my body was guarding and responding like I was a rape victim, as she put it. ( no, I was not raped, I have trauma throughout my body from a car accident) "You said you were married right?" She asked. "Yes, I am." I replied. "And you guys are still together?" "Yes we are." "Wow, I can't believe he is still sticking around to be with you. Most guys would have left by now." A stab to my heart. I couldn't believe she said that to me. It had been years and years of pain and struggle which was extremely hard on our marriage relationship. I always felt like he could do better, he deserved better. I felt like a failure in so many ways and this one was high on my list. It was worse to hear someone speak it out loud to me, especially someone who is a professional in a delicate appointment.


When I finished my appointment, I went home and had a big cry. Brandon had asked what the matter was and so I explained it. I had thought about putting in a complaint, but it's a hard place to be in when you live with chronic pain and in a major doctor shortage crisis. I feel like I'm at the mercy of these professionals, even if they are awful at their jobs. There is this small little voice that's in the back of my mind that wonders, "what if I need them for something else?" And so, these complaints don't happen because it is a very long, slow process to get the help or direction that I need in the first place.


I write these posts so you can see and understand a lot of the steps and experiences that people with chronic pain and health problems have to walk through. There are a lot of uncomfortable situations that we have to be put through and work on. I'm taking you through this journey so you can see all of the bad, ugly, sometimes funny and good times, so hopefully when you see those that are struggling with the unseen things, you will see them through a different lens and have more understanding.



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