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Red Button

Nothing in my life felt private at this point. Every personal and intimate detail of my life had been gone through with a fine tooth comb. I held nothing back because all I wanted was for my life to get back to where it was before my car accident. All of the practitioners and doctors asked every and anything to leave no stone unturned to help me, but despite their efforts they had no answers. If anything my body was slowly getting worse. One of the hardest things to constantly hear over and over was, “You are too young for these issues.” But here I was experiencing them. As a last resort, they had talked about giving me a nerve ablation, which is where they burn off the nerves in hopes it disconnects the pain signals. I was told that there were a lot of risks to this procedure and it was only a temporary fix because my nerves would grow back and I would continuously need to have this procedure done.

In one of my online support groups, people were talking about this treatment called Hanna Somatics. I had heard of this once before from one of my massage therapists and decided to research and find someone. I found this lovely Jamaican British woman, who knew my values and respected them. She was very gentle, compassionate and knowledgeable. Hanna Somatics is like physio type movements with breath work. I worked with her for a few months but, again, I got the dreaded talk that a big piece to this puzzle was missing and her treatments weren’t working.

The pressures from my lawyers and the insurance company were really high and I threw myself at whatever it would take to make this all go away. I longed for a magical button like the big red Staples one that you push and it says, “that was easy.” I would sometimes imagine it up and think how awesome it would be to be able to press a big ol’ red button and poof I’d be all better. All of the stress, anxiety, disappointments, pain and suffering, and the constant going, would disappear and my normal life would reappear. I’d step back into the role that I dreamed up and be the best mom and wife I could be. I know that if I didn’t have my girls or my husband, there would be no drive or fight in me to keep going. They are what has kept me from not giving up on myself.

As the months went on, it was now November which is when I looked at my call display and noticed the dreaded number of my lawyers calling. I answered the phone with not much enthusiasm but was surprised at what they had to offer. I was told another lawyer from a different firm randomly dropped by their office with all of these doctor reports. This particular doctor was so good that they wanted to share his work with my lawyers. I was asked if I was willing to make a trip to Vancouver to see this specialized doctor and see if he had any leads or direction as to what was going on with me. I agreed and within a couple of weeks, I was on my way to seeing him.


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