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No Contact

Before I left his apartment, the specialized doctor gave me a little pep talk and told me to continue to stand up for myself and to speak up when I needed to. He shook my hand and told me that he would do his best to find me some help but wanted to make sure that I was willing to travel anywhere if need be. I felt like I just wanted to give him a big bear hug, though it was hard to hear the diagnosis, I had someone who understood me fully and gave me answers finally, which I could never say enough thanks for.

As I walked back down the hilly walkway, back to my family, that had been waiting in the parked vehicle for over three hours ( they thankfully got out and went and explored and got food for a bit), my emotions were all over the place. I had to call my lawyers right away and give them a quick run down on the appointment. Relief of knowing, grief and deep sadness, anger and frustration were some of the emotions I was battling with. When I talked through my appointment with my husband, the tears began to pour and pour out. He tried to bring comfort and said, “Just because he stated Si Joint Dysfunction, doesn’t mean you have to own that over your body.” I knew he was trying to be positive but it felt like my final answer to my issues were trying to be ripped from me and so I fought back against his words. “ Don’t take this from me, I finally have answers and someone who fully understands me.”

When we made it home, I felt like I was completely lost at what to do and where to go to help my body. It was even harder being told that I could have no contact with the only person that understood what was wrong with my body. The lawyers told me that we needed the specialist to be neutral incase it got to the point to go to court and so I wasn’t allowed to speak or see him until it was all over with the car insurance company. I asked them if they could then contact him and see if he had any leads of where I should go for treatment and it became a long waiting period.

As the weeks went on, my spirit felt more and more crushed. Any person that I had come into contact with that asked how I was doing, including our real estate agent, witnessed me breaking down in tears. My heart just wasn’t okay. There were different healing services happening at our church and special services to go to. I was apprehensive to go, since I had stepped out in faith numerous times before for prayer upfront at church and no healing had come. But this time I received two separate texts from two of my girlfriends that had each told me that they had been praying and felt it strong on their hearts that this particular service and speaker is something that I should go to. I was nervous but went. I ended up going up front for prayer and had full faith that I would receive healing but nothing came of it. I thought maybe more time was needed and I’d experience it maybe later in the week, but nothing came. I often wonder why God put these things on two different peoples hearts and put a stirring and nudge on my heart to go forward for healing. I sometimes wonder if it’s just obedience that He is wanting in those moments or what they really mean and are intended for. I know God has been watching over me throughout this whole process and had been providing. I profusely thanked my lawyers for sending me to this particular specialist and they said, “It was very bizarre and unheard of. We never get another firm highly recommending a doctor like that. It was really out of the blue.” I knew that it was an answer to my prayer and hearts desire. To FINALLY get an answer is priceless. It had been extremely hard having to explain my symptoms with no name to what it was and looking completely healthy on the outside. The amount of practitioners that gave me looks of disbelief and me having to give time for them to figure out my body to see what I was talking about was a large amount. It made it that much harder on me feeling that sting of defeat and always feeling like I had to prove myself. But now, now I had a diagnosis and things would be different.


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